Graduation

Today is the eve of my graduation from JMU(wow, that sounds so dramatic). I wish I could write something nostalgic  and thoughtful or even cliche. But I cant, so I won't. I think I am so exhausted, in more ways than one, that I don't know how to register this huge change that is before me.

And that's ok.

I feel like there is this strange pressure as a senior at JMU to mourn the end of the "BEST 4 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE", to experience the "lasts" of what JMU has to offer, and to act like you don't ever want to leave. 

I'm sorry, WHAT?? Yeah, JMU has been the best 4 years of my life, I'm also only 23 and I think I have a lot more of life to live. I'm open to joy in other places. I will cherish my time here dearly and miss the family I have found here even more.

I'm caught in a tension of knowing and accepting that the timing for me to move on is right, but also not being able to attach a feeling to that acceptance. I don't feel relief or panic, neither sadness nor joy. I find myself listening to sad music to try to evoke some sort of reaction or feeling. A little crazy? Yeah, but this is a really strange place to be. 

And that's ok. 

I'm not going to try to force myself to feel anything other than what I feel now. Even before I began my senior year, I knew how precious this time was and made cognizant actions in how I spent my time and who I spent it with. I made an effort to savor each moment, from the adventure to the mundane, I cherished it all.

Maybe that's why I don't feel sad or afraid. I just have my hands open, not knowing what will come next.
And that's ok.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hIYcOUbtlU