The Paradox of Budgeting and Buying for one

Where I last left off, I had $12 left for my second week of groceries. Well, I unfortunately spent more than that. However, my total expenses on groceries so far have totaled approximately $80. That averages to $40 a week. While it is still over my original budget, I think I have still stewarded my resources well to keep my costs down and the flavor up!

However, something puzzling has emerged in my lone, LOGOFF adventures! And it is something I really didn’t anticipate happening – I have too much food!

I have found that certain items, while inexpensive, are too much for one person! For example, I decided to make some pesto. I already had garlic and oil, I just need basil. The bushel, not just a bunch, the bushel of basil was gigantic! But it was only $1.50! Now this is a great deal, but there was no way I was going to eat all that basil.

I also found a similar problem when buying lettuce. I would usually eat a salad with dinner each night, but the one head of lettuce is only good for 2-3 days. I found that I am unable to the whole head of lettuce in that amount of time. But, a head of lettuce is usually between $1 -$2 depending on the farm. It’s not an expensive item, but the problem lies in that I either don’t have the use for the large amount of produce I am buying or it is too perishable.

To remedy this, I started buy heartier and longer-lasting produce, like potatoes, carrots, and apples. I have also added dry, non-perishable items like lentils and pasta.

But then arises another issue – I am eating the same thing over and over again. While this isn’t the worst thing, I tend to like a variety of flavors in my meals. The meal I usually have ½ a bake potato, some roasted carrots, sautéed kale, and some lentils. It is good, but I eat this at least once a day.

It’s the essentially the same problem, it’s too much food for me to eat in just one serving. I buy a bushel kale and one bunch of carrots and it is enough 2 weeks! I’m buying a large amount of food and its lasting for a while. This is good! But it results in me eating the same thing over, and over, and over again.

I realize this sounds bratty. I realize that I am blessed to be able to eat such fresh and healthy food. Shoot, I am blessed to just have food! But it is a difference that I was not expecting. At the convent, with all the NYCUP interns, we made a different dish almost every night! There was a great variety of flavors to taste. 

Now, I am eating the same meal, with the same flavors each day. I could easily get more creative with how I cook, but that would require more ingredients that I don’t have the budget for.

Really, it’s wasting food I hate. Sure, the bushel of basil was only $1.50 but I only needed 50 cents worth of it; same with the kale! While challenging, it is helping me appreciate the variety I once had and is encouraging me to be more creative with how I prepare my food!

Staples

Part of the reason I am here with NYCUP is for an internship credit I have to fulfill as part of my public health education concentration. Part of that requirement is that the internship must be for 8 weeks and NYCUP is 5 weeks long. Jonathan, the director of NYCUP, was gracious enough to work something out for me to stay 3 extra weeks.

So, here I begin my grand experiment. I will be working on adding things and information to the new LoGOFF website. I am also trying to live as “LoGOFF” as possible – buying food that is mainly local, organic, fair trade, and living a life that respects creation and God’s people.

I am up for the challenge! I decided that I would try being vegan as well. I didn't eat meat while with NYCUP, so I figured if now was a time of experiment, why not try it? I also gave myself a budget of $30/week for food. A slim, but do-able budget for one person.

So here is what happened last week:

I woke up on Tuesday morning. I slept in until 11, a rarity for me. I was bone tired and was in desperate need of a deep nights rest. I probably could have slept more, but my hunger woke me up. I realize I hadn't even had dinner the night before since I had a late lunch at shake shack.

As I got up, I was struck with the realization that I literally had no food to eat. I clearly hadn't thought ahead in my tired delirium. I headed out to the nearest grocery store where I bought organic agave (a new favorite of mine), organic soy milk, and regular oatmeal (organic types were not available). That totaled $10 and then I pulled out $20 for the rest of the week. I got back to the apartment made myself some breakfast and then walked over to the farmers market at 168^th and Ft. Washington.

It was right outside of Columbia’s medical center. Imagine a farmers market that looked like the cast of Grey’s anatomy had invaded it – that’s what it looked like. All the young doctors and nurses looked stressed, but savored looking for fresh food in an outdoor market on a beautiful day.

It was a smaller market, but I picked up some kale (another new favorite), lettuce, carrots, squash, a cucumber, and I quickly realized, I was going to need more money. The left over change I had was not going to be enough for the other “staples” I needed. I changed my plan. I returned home, washed and stored my veggies and then made a list of the staples I needed to make all the food I got palatable. Here is my list:

Olive Oil

Vegan Butter 

Salt
Pepper

Bread

Peanut Butter

Jam

I had the list. I set out to Trader Joe's. My plan was to only buy what was on the list – in a practical size – and buy them as LoGOFF as possible. I took my remaining $6 from this week and then decided to dip into next week’s $30. I had $36 to steward at Trader Joe's. I picked up those items and my total bill rounded up to $24. Not bad, but that left me with $12 for next week. 

The staples threw me off. They forced me to reevaluate my plan. They forced me to think differently. They made me doubt. 

Sure I could buy the food, but how about the preparing and the cooking of the food. I mean, I like my food to be tasty. While they were especially expensive items, they still cost money that I was not anticipating on spending. 

Its almost kind of funny, because the staples are what pulls everything together - and they aren't "expensive" but they are essential. 

I enter this week with $12 - lets see what I can do! Wish me luck!

NYC after NYCUP

So, I wasn’t as diligent in my blog writing as I would have hoped this summer. Between farmer’s market runs, cooking, meal planning, research, and sharing life with the other interns, it was hard to find time and brain power to write an insightful update.

Now that I have some time and have gotten some sleep – here we go! I guess I can best summarize my time with NYCUP with four “S’s” (Fun Fact-I like to make lists that alliterate)

#1 - Stewardship

Mondays became our planning days – We would brainstorm and decide what meals to prepare for the rest of the week. Then we would go out to usually the Union Square Farmer’s Market and the Whole Foods across the street. We would have to budget our time and money effectively to make sure we had enough food and that dinner would be served on time.

#2 - Studying

We spent a great deal of time being students of LoGOFF. First, we researched what each term of LoGOFF meant and what that meant to us as followers of Christ. Then, we were given the task of re-working and editing the LoGOFF packet created by last summer’s interns. It was a good foundation, but our team saw areas of improvement and worked on enhancing it into something great and practical. Our team led 2 LoGOFF workshops to get others perspective and input for the document.

#3 -Social Media

When we weren’t inside the convent meal planning, researching or cooking, we would be out in the city scoping out LoGOFF retailers. On days we would go out, we usually picked 3 destinations. Inevitably, we would always find other LoGOFF places along the way- a wonderful problem to have! I remember in practical, we were on our way to sustainable NYC, and we found an organic, raw juice press place and an organic and vegan bakery! It was cool to talk to the store managers of those places and see that they cared about the earth and its people the same way we do.

#4 - Self-reflection

Much of my time with NYCUP was introspective. We prayed…a LOT. Each morning our team would pray for what we needed that day- prayers for energy and a deeper faith were common. We would open and close our meeting times with the Lord’s Prayer and the prayer of St. Francis. I remember one time, I didn’t say it and I just sat and listened to our group. It sound like a steady hum of prayer that was exhausted yet expectant that God was still God. That we would still seek the benefit others over our own desires. Even time in small group was spent learning about God but also learning about ourselves and how God has worked, is working, and will continue to work in our lives.

Even though most people have gone back to the respective homes, I am still in NYC doing NYCUP things. So even though NYCUP has ended, I will continue to process and learn new things about this city and our God who loves it so dearly.

Real Talk

Something I truly value is honesty. I don’t always like it, but I have a deep respect for those who don’t hide behind “I’m fine” mentality. So I am going to be honest in this blog.

What you see here is my well thought out, hopefully articulate, description of my time with NYCUP. What you don’t see is the endless backspaces, the horrific misspellings, the time I sat looking at a screen feeling like I had nothing to say.

With all that said, I don’t like blogging.

I don’t enjoy it mostly because I don’t feel like I have anything to say or the things I want to say aren't yet complete thoughts that I can effectively communicate. But, I have heard that feeling like you have nothing to write is a good place to start.

So here we go.

I am here in NYC working with New York City Urban Project (NYCUP) and their LoGOFF Campaign. In case you are wondering, LoGOFF stands for local, green, organic, fair trade and free of slave labor. The goal is to change people from consumers to stewards, to love the people who produce our stuff, and to respect the earth we all live on.

Working on LoGOFF is a huge answer to prayer and is everything I would hoped it would be. I get to grocery shopping, go talk with farmers at the Farmers Market, research what LoGOFF means, and cook meals for 20 people! Folks, I’m living the C-Eva-D dream!

While I am loving the work I am doing here and the people I am privileged to work alongside of, there is a spiritual element that is leaving me confused. It is hard to explain, but it has been difficult to process my own thoughts. I wonder if, when I speak to people, that my thoughts are actually being conveyed in the words I use. I guess it’s a fear of being inarticulate or being misunderstood. Or the fact that I am surrounded by people who don’t know me as well as people back at home and I feel as though I need to self-assert myself in conversation. “I don’t know” is becoming and phrase that is becoming all too common in my speech.

I’m not just looking inward for my answers, I am looking upward. I have been silent and still, waiting for God. I have also been reading and applying His word in my life. Yet, I still find myself saying “I don’t know”. The difference now, is that I follow it with “But God does know”. Even amidst my confusion, I still hold onto the fact that God is sovereign and omniscient. Knowing and reminding myself of God’s character sustains me. I will still wait on Him to further reveal his plan for me.  

Graduation

Today is the eve of my graduation from JMU(wow, that sounds so dramatic). I wish I could write something nostalgic  and thoughtful or even cliche. But I cant, so I won't. I think I am so exhausted, in more ways than one, that I don't know how to register this huge change that is before me.

And that's ok.

I feel like there is this strange pressure as a senior at JMU to mourn the end of the "BEST 4 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE", to experience the "lasts" of what JMU has to offer, and to act like you don't ever want to leave. 

I'm sorry, WHAT?? Yeah, JMU has been the best 4 years of my life, I'm also only 23 and I think I have a lot more of life to live. I'm open to joy in other places. I will cherish my time here dearly and miss the family I have found here even more.

I'm caught in a tension of knowing and accepting that the timing for me to move on is right, but also not being able to attach a feeling to that acceptance. I don't feel relief or panic, neither sadness nor joy. I find myself listening to sad music to try to evoke some sort of reaction or feeling. A little crazy? Yeah, but this is a really strange place to be. 

And that's ok. 

I'm not going to try to force myself to feel anything other than what I feel now. Even before I began my senior year, I knew how precious this time was and made cognizant actions in how I spent my time and who I spent it with. I made an effort to savor each moment, from the adventure to the mundane, I cherished it all.

Maybe that's why I don't feel sad or afraid. I just have my hands open, not knowing what will come next.
And that's ok.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hIYcOUbtlU

Step 1.

It all starts here.

Currently, I am senior suffering from the greatest of CTD’s (College transmitted diseases)Senioritis; the inflammation of being a senior.

But really, it is so much more and it is real.  As foolish as it is, I find myself with a dangerous lack of motivation which makes me want to fast forward to graduation: a time when deadlines, grades and stress seem to disappear. This is contrasted with intense feeling of nostalgia that grabs at every instant that has the potential of being a “last”. I don’t consider myself an especially nostalgic person, but I can’t help but find myself savoring everything more than usual. Especially the mundane and ordinary things. I think that is because that is what stick with me the most; walking to the quad for class, running into familiar faces in TDU, even trying to be the first one in the bathroom in the morning! Isn't it strange? Or is it not?

Either case, it seems somewhat silly, but it is where I am for now.

I think it stems from the fact that I have so much to look forward to after graduation. Graduation, while it seems like an event to signify the culmination of academic efforts, it is just the first stepping stone for me. I have the privilege of interning with New York City Urban Project (NYCUP) this summer to work on their LOGOFF campaign (LOcal, Green, Organic, Fair trade, and Free of slave labor). After that, I am planning on moving out to Denver Colorado with two friends. Big things, even bigger moves!

So basically, graduation signifies when I take my first step in to an incredibly unpredictable and highly transitional season of my life. I don’t want to wish away the semester. I want to be as present as I can be and take advantage of all that is left because there is so much here to love and appreciate. And as much as I hate to admit, even classes are still worth enjoying.

So follow me through my triumphs and my surrenders. This will be an adventure for sure.

Guess who is back, with a brand new track?

Before I dive in,  I thought that my title of this post came from some 90s or early 00's (yes, that is an actual time period) rap/hip-hop song. I like to think that putting a "retro" hip-hop song would get me cool points, but I couldn't figure out what song it came from. I was thinking like Will Smith or P.Diddyor something...so i turned to Google to help me figure it out. Turns out its from a CASCADA song!Alas, no self-endowed cool point for Caitlin today. And another instant deduction for addressing myself in the third person. Its been a long week. and its only wednesday. yikes.

Well, before I start rambling... last time I posted was May 14th! What? So much for being a consistent blogger this summer. To be fair, the camp I worked at this past summer had a no laptop policy for summer staffers which I respected and left the good ole Acer back at home in Virginia.

Needless to say, I have a lot to write about and am happy to announce I will be blogging more consistantly during this school year. That should be exciting news to the 4 or 5 people who read this! (a rather generous count at that)

Anyways, I will write about the thrilling events of my life, my envy-inducing endeavors, and my abundant adventures.
But, I will most be writing about the mundane and the ordinary on-goings of my day to day life. If Mrs. Dalloway and Virginia Woolf taught me anything, it's that there are countless extraordinary instances that occur in each day. We need only open our eyes and hearts to those miracles, joyful and painful ones, that are happening all around us.