Something
I truly value is honesty. I don’t always like
it, but I have a deep respect for those who don’t hide behind “I’m fine”
mentality. So I am going to be honest in this blog.
What
you see here is my well thought out, hopefully articulate, description of my
time with NYCUP. What you don’t see is the endless backspaces, the horrific misspellings,
the time I sat looking at a screen feeling like I had nothing to say.
With
all that said, I don’t like blogging.
I don’t
enjoy it mostly because I don’t feel like I have anything to say or the things
I want to say aren't yet complete thoughts that I can effectively communicate.
But, I have heard that feeling like you have nothing to write is a good place
to start.
So
here we go.
I am
here in NYC working with New York City Urban Project (NYCUP) and their LoGOFF
Campaign. In case you are wondering, LoGOFF stands for local, green, organic,
fair trade and free of slave labor. The goal is to change people from consumers
to stewards, to love the people who produce our stuff, and to respect the earth
we all live on.
Working
on LoGOFF is a huge answer to prayer and is everything I would hoped it would
be. I get to grocery shopping, go talk with farmers at the Farmers Market, research
what LoGOFF means, and cook meals for 20 people! Folks, I’m living the C-Eva-D
dream!
While
I am loving the work I am doing here and the people I am privileged to work
alongside of, there is a spiritual element that is leaving me confused. It is hard
to explain, but it has been difficult to process my own thoughts. I wonder if,
when I speak to people, that my thoughts are actually being conveyed in the
words I use. I guess it’s a fear of being inarticulate or being misunderstood.
Or the fact that I am surrounded by people who don’t know me as well as people
back at home and I feel as though I need to self-assert myself in conversation.
“I don’t know” is becoming and phrase that is becoming all too common in my speech.
I’m
not just looking inward for my answers, I am looking upward. I have been silent
and still, waiting for God. I have also been reading and applying His word in
my life. Yet, I still find myself saying “I don’t know”. The difference now, is
that I follow it with “But God does know”. Even amidst my confusion, I still
hold onto the fact that God is sovereign and omniscient. Knowing and reminding myself
of God’s character sustains me. I will still wait on Him to further reveal his
plan for me.
